Rebuilding and Re-Storying Forward

Marriage with Conner was like being on a ship at sea. I was on deck while Conner kept shooting cannonballs into the hull of our boat. No matter what I tried to do, Conner continued to use porn and sexually act out. It was a matter of life or death for me. My marriage was a boat taking on water. I grabbed buckets and desperately tried to bail water out for both of us. My control was a frantic attempt to keep our boat from sinking. I realized that in waiting for Conner to make his changes, I relinquished my power and we kept growing further apart. The problem is there are two people in this story. Both have the ability to change and both have the ability to choose. Resiliency and posttraumatic growth come when you begin to focus on the one thing you can control: yourself. Not by ignoring the relationship, but, by getting stronger and inviting the other person to join you. You can create change. You can grab ahold of the rudder, batten down the hatches & raise the sails. Couples can heal together. Doing your work creates self-respect and invites the other person to either decide to join you or abandon the sinking ship. Either way, there’s momentum and you’ll know how to ask for what you need, set healthy boundaries and use your voice to change the direction of your relation-“ship.”