The Masterpiece Effect of Rupture and Repair

Dr. Patrick Carnes teaches that sex addiction exists in the context of an intimacy void. Seeking solutions, a person with the void initially welcomes pornography and intensity-based sex, accepting their promise to fill the emptiness and eliminate the pain. However, like all addictions, they eventually show themselves to be mere imposters of intimacy, providing nothing more than temporary truces with pain and emptiness. With each repetition, the emptiness expands and the pain increases. Trying to fill the void with the low-effort rewards of sexual intensity actually prevents that for which it was longing. The antidote is authentic intimacy. Establishing this deep connection cannot happen without the capacity to connect. Attunement, the self-regulated state of inner harmony that makes connection possible, forms the foundation for the development of secure attachment and growing core-to-core intimacy connections. In Dr. Jake Porter’s presentation, A Theology of Attachment, he says that the process of rupture and repair is at the heart of secure attachment because it builds confidence that repair will always follow rupture. He concludes with the message of the gospel, “What comes after repair is better than what was had before the rupture.” Using Ephesians 2:10, this presentation expands this gospel principle into a universal concept I call the Masterpiece Effect of Rupture and Repair. We will explore the answer to this question, “In individual and relational experiences of trauma, betrayal, addiction, and toxic shame, which is best, to have never experienced these ruptures, or to have faced rupture and undergone repair?”